Had a really great "Night Out" last night, According to my police report.
I will win, Not immediately But Definitely.'
If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my ass!
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.
The road to success is always under construction.
Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.
Born to express not to impress.
Silent people have the loudest minds.
Sometimes it's easier to pretend you don't care, than to admit it's killing you.
You cannot stop the waves but you can learn to surf.
Life is like photography, You use the negatives to develop.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
When someone says, "You've Changed", It simply means you've stopped living your life their way.
If you want to make your dreams come true, The first thing you have to do is wake up.
I don't have dirty mind, I have Sexy imagination.
Whenever i think of quit smoking, I need a cigarette to think.
You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
You have to be ODD, to be number ONE.
When life puts you in tough situations, don't say, why me? Just say, try me!
I stopped fighting with my inner demons. We are on the same side Now.
If people are trying to bring you 'Down', It only means that you are 'Above them'.
Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.
The greatest advantage of speaking the truth is that you don't have to remember what you said.
Nothing in the world is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.
Be a good person, But don't try to prove.
Mistakes are proof that you are trying.
Some people are alive only, Because it's illegal to kill them.
I am not failed......My success is just postponed.
If you like me Then raise your hand, If not then raise your standard.
When i was born..Devil said.."Oh Shit..!! Competition".
I work for money, For loyalty Hire a Dog.
I am always right, Once i thought that I am wrong, But i was wrong.
I know i am something, Because god doesn't create garbage.
If you are gonna be two-faced, Honey at least make one of them pretty!
When nothing goes right..!! Go left.
If you can't convince them, Confuse them.
I love to walk in fog, Because nobody knows i am smoking.
I am not drunk, I am just chemically off-balanced.
Oh, So you wanna argue, Bring it. I got my CAPS LOCK ON.
I am so poor that i can't pay attention in class.
Warning...I know KARATE.......And few other oriental words.
I used to be an atheist, But then i realized i'm God.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana.
Success is like being pregnant everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you got fucked to get there.
I am not virgin, My life fucks me everyday.
Nothing is over until you stop trying.
Person you love is 72.8% water.
I talk to myself because i like dealing with a better class of people.
People say, you can't live without love...I think oxygen is more important.
80% of boys have girlfriends.. Rest 20% are having brain.
When everything comes your way.. Then you are on the wrong way.
she's so fake, if you look behind her neck. I bet it says "Made in china".
I drink to make other people interesting.
If at first, you don't succeed..Keep flushing.
Save water drink beer.
Virginity is not dignity, It is just lack of opportunity.
Not all men are fools, Some stay bachelor.
Don't kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not.
His story is History, My Story is Mystery.
Phones are better than girlfriends, At least we can switch off.
Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite.
Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation
Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.
Never test how deep the water is with both feet.
The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.
Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!!
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
FREE PUPPIES: Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbors dog.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion.
That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another.
If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? They both have an iPhone.
Some people call me Mike, you can call me tonight.
When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it.
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
Sometimes you succeed.... and other times you learn.
There are three sides to an argument - your side, my side and the right side.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.
I believe there should be a better way to start each day... instead of waking up every morning.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal my status
I'd rather have honest enemies than fake friends.
My "last seen at" was just to check your "last seen at".
Not always "Available".. Try your Luck..
Hey there whatsapp is using me.
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy saving mode.
You can never buy Love....But still you have to pay for it.
Totally available!! Please disturb me!!��
“Success” all depends on the second letter.
Life is Short – Chat Fast!
Time is precious, waste it wisely.
I need Six months of vacation, Twice a year.
Marriage is a "workshop", Where husband 'works' and wife 'shops'.
After Tuesday, even the calender says "W T F".
2 Things can change a women's mood- 1) I love you 2) 50% Discount.
SARCASM: Just one of the many services i offer.
Cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places.
I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.
Politeness has become so rare that some people mistake it for flirtation.
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won’t be able to see.
Of course I’m not perfect; there’s a crack in my ass!
Love the neighbor. But don’t get caught.
Love is like a fart, If you have to force it, It's probably a crap.
I have 2-3 real friends, the rest are just people i socialize with.
Etc. – End of Thinking Capacity
We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.
I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life; if I die next Tuesday.
A good friend will help you move, a best friend will help you move a dead body.
Trying to understand you is like trying to smell the color 9.
“I am sorry for those that disagree with me because I know that they are wrong.”
I stay up late every night and realize it’s a bad idea every morning.
The two best times to keep your mouth shut are when you’re swimming and when you’re angry.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
I'm not in a bad mood, Everyone is just annoying.
I don't know what makes you so dumb, But it really works.
If you resolve to give up drinking, You don't actually live longer, It's just seems longer.
There's always that one person, who takes a few minutes to get the joke.
AwesoME ends with ME and Ugly starts with U.
You are as useless as the 'AY' in 'Okay'.
Beauty is in the eye of the credit card holder.
I don't lie, I speak Fiction.
If i agreed with you, We'd both be wrong.
Trust in God, But lock your car.
Marriage is a 3 Ring Circus- 1. Engagement Ring, 2. Wedding Ring, 3. Suffering.
So i heard you're a player, Well nice to meet you. I'm the coach.
I'm not single, I'm just romantically challenged.