Don't like me? Cool, I don't wake up every day to impress you.
The only reason I am fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality.
Was going to rob a bank today but the pen was chained to the desk.
Yes, I agree. Mums can find everything. Except for the ringing phone in their bags!
Faces YOU Make ON The Toilet (o_o) (>_<) (0_0) (^_^).
God is really creative, i mean..just look at me.
May I go to the toilet = I'm fucking bored.
Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.
Sometimes all you need is love. Lol, just kidding, you need money. :').
Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.
I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
I feel lazier than the guy who drew the Japanese flag.
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
When you're good, you're good, when you're awesome you're me.
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
One day, I'm gonna make the onions cry.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
Before talking; Please connect the tongue to the brain!
I'm jealous of my parents, i'll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.
The only reason god made cousins so that parents can compare our marks.
People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.
When life gets tough, remember: You were the strongest sperm.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
I don't always lose my phone but when I do its always on silent.
I really need a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
I don't want to earn my living, I want to live.
Eight letters, three words, one regret. I miss you.
I miss your smile but I miss my own even more.
Behind my smile is everything you'll never understand.
I still miss him, I miss him, I'm missing him.
The only normal people you know are the ones you don't know very well.
Life is a mirror and will reflect back to the thinker what he thinks into it.
When I drink alcohol.. Everyone says I'm alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. No one says I'm fantastic.
Why do parents get so upset about little things like goddamn I left a plate in the sink not a dead body.
I've found the recipe for happiness. Can someone just send me some money so that I can buy the ingredients?
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
Justin Bieber was arrested this morning for using men's toilet.
Money can't buy happiness, but it pays for internet, which is pretty much the same thing.
I'm not single, I'm just romantically challenged.
The funniest thing in class is when the teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
The annoying moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you're watching.
Remember, there are two words in life that will open a lot of doors for you. Push and Pull.
If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down & kill it.
I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
Those who say money can't buy happiness are shopping at the wrong places.
ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
Oooooh, thats a bit too harsh. Let me put a 'lol' at the end of it.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
Our language is called the mother tongue because the father never gets a chance to Speak.
When your ex asks if you can still be friends right after a break up, it's like having a kidnapper tell you to keep in touch.
Taking revenge is wrong..very very wrong.. But very very fun.
That awesome moment, when You say something funny in class and everyone laughs at it n then you sit there like a Legend..
That feeling when you enter to a store & they play your favorite song :)
That Awesome Moment When You carry someone's baby & they refuse to go back to their parent's hands just because they like you.
The awesome feeling you get when people remember small details about you. :-)
Its awesome .. when some one understands u more than u..! :-)
That awesome moment, when you try to overtake a girl on scooty .and all of a sudden she decides to Race with you :D
That Awesome Moment, When You Find A Free WiFi In Public Places.. :-D
Awesome Feeling, Being so close with someone that you insult each other all the time and never get offended. ^_^
That Amazing Moment.. When YOu DrOp YOur PhOne.. But, The HeadphOnes Save Its Life.. ^_-
That awesome moment when we bunkers get more marks !! Than attenders :D ;)
An awesome moment: when you update your status with somebody in your mind and that person like your status first.
That 'Awesome moment', when you see someone's status,and you know it's aimed at you :-)
Trust me, when I woke up today I had no plans to be awesome. It just happens. They ignore you now, but they will need you later.
If you realize that you spend nice moments beside someone, that means that your heart loves that person.
I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it
Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up
Honesty is the best gift you can give.
When I joke they take it seriously. When I am serious they take it as a joke..
I like crazy people, especially those who don't see the risk.
Best conversations always happen late in the night. :)
The best thing about a picture is that it never changes even when the people in it do.
Someday somewhere somehow me & you will be together.
Love is not something you say and it happens. It is a feeling that is felt deep in the heart and I feel it for you
Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
They say "don't drink and drive". Well.. yesterday I was drinking a juice box while riding my tricycle. Yeah. I'm a badass.
That moment when a question on a test is so hard that even your inner voice is like "Fuck this shit lets work at McDonald's".
It's funny how all trust goes away when you can't find the remote. "Are you sitting on the remote?" No. "Stand up".
The awesome moment, when, you upload a status just for one particular person, and that person co-incidently is the first one to LIKE that status..!! :-)
The Awsome moment.. When u r telling A Joke but can't finish it Because Your laughng too hard.. Then friend says: Dekh Pehly hans ley ya bol ley :P