A man asks a trainer in the gym: “I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?” Trainer replies: “Use the ATM”
Someone on his status “Sleeping” …since 3 Days! He’s Probably dead.
Just saw the most smartest person when i was in front of the mirror 😛
God is really creative , i mean ..just look at me 😛
My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason. 😉
Open Books, Not Legs. Blow Minds, Not Guy[/quote]
I Have Good News And Bad News To Tell You. The Bad News? I Have No Good News. And The Good News? I Have No Bad News.
Do You Want To Go Out With Me? (A) Yes (B) A (C) B.
You Don’t Know Something? Google It. You Don’t Know Someone? Facebook It. You Can’t Find Something? Mom!
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it’s wide use three fingers, make sure it’s wet and rub up and down. Yep that’s how you wash a cup.
Funny whatsapp status
- A women’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: she changes it more often
- We are all here on earth to help other, what on earth the others are here for I don’t know
- Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else
- I can resist everything except temptation
- I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by
- I never said most of the things I said
- If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three
- Behind everyman is a woman rolling her eyes
- There cannot be crisis next week. My schedule is already full
- After every Tuesday, even the calendar goes WTF
- Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before going to bed?
- Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday
- Life is not fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk
- Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice
- Do not take life seriously. You will never get out of it alive
- My room is not messy, it is an obstacle course designed to keep me fit
- Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes
- Dear Math’s, I am tired of finding your x. just move on buddy, she’s gone.
- Marriage is a workshop, where husband works and wife shops..
- Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything
Whatsapp status funny
- Never give up your dreams, keep sleeping
- What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing “K” instead of “OK”?
- I am W.E.I.R.D – wonderful, exciting, interesting, real, different
- With great power comes great electricity bill..
- I’m not lazy I’m just on my energy saving mode
- When a women says “What?” it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.
- If you don’t want sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question
- I do not get drunk – I get awesome
- I need a six month vacation, twice a year
- Be warned: I’m bored. This could be dangerous!
- Old people at weddings always poke me and say ‘You’re next.’ So, I started doing the same to them at funerals.
- At night, I can’t sleep. In the morning, I can’t wake up.
- My diet plan: Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look!
- Remember if we get caught, you are deaf and I don’t speak Hindi!
- Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring, so I go back to being me.
- Apparently, I have an attitude. Who knew!
- I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5 or 6 times, just to be sure
- Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing
- Recession is when your neighbor loses job. Depression is when you lose yours
- Why can’t the house clean itself. It seems to get dirty by itself!
Funny status for whatsapp
- My brain is like The Bermuda Triangle.. information goes in and then never found again
- I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different
- I don’t have to worry about getting kidnapped; they would bring me back in less than an hour!!
- I’m great in bed
- I wont be impressed with technology until I can download food
- Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is the police
- Don’t break someone’s heart they have only one. Break their bones they have 206 of them
- On the internet you can be anything you want. Its strange that so many people choose to be stupid
- The only reason I’m fat is because a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality
- I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the wall gets in the way.
- If you can’t convince them, confuse them
- My life has a superb cast but I can’t figure out the plot
- My parent should be proud of me because I’m addicted to Facebook not to drugs
- Relationships are like fat people. Most of them don’t work out.
- You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body
- Breaking news: I just found there is nothing wrong with me, it is the world that has issues
- You can’t face the problem, if the problem is your face
- I’m going to spend Valentine’s Day with my true love… Food
- Don’t like me? Cool, I don’t wake up every day to Impress you
- Laughing is the best medicine. But f you’re laughing for no reason, you may need medicine
Whastapp funny status
- I meant to behave but there were too many other options
- Those people with cars as their profile pictures on facebook. So… you’re transformer?
- A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
- Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so near to Monday?
- During a test: people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information
- Dear whoever is reading this, I hope you have a reason to smile today
- If you fall, I’ll be there – floor
- When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in people’s eyes.
- A day without sunshine is like, you know, night
- Good girls are found in every corner of the Earth. But unfortunately Earth is Round
- Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome not perfect
- I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font
- The only place where people can buy 64 water melons and no one wonders why…
- Notice – Be nice or leave
- Shhh… I’m hiding from the stupid people
- I’m not perfect, I make mistakes, I hurt people, but when I say sorry, I mean it…
- Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?
- Money makes the world go round
- I wish there was a rewind button in life
- One look, one word, one hug, one text, one call: they can mean so much when it’s from that special person
Status for whastapp funny
- Distance is just a test to see how far love can travel
- Everyone you will ever met knows something you don’t
- Our heads are round so thought can change direction
- Inside all of us is a wild thing
- If you smile when you are alone, then you really mean it
- Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing
- Open your mind and let the pictures out
- Never argue with a fool – they will drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience
- Do it or don’. It’s amazing how many things in life are that easy
- Work like a captain, play like a pirate
- Sometimes the truth hurts and sometimes it feels real good
- We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid
- Today I have the power to change my story
- You were born to be real not perfect
- Only dead fish go with the flow
- It’s a lot easier to say you’re mad than to admit you’re hurt
- There is no greater pain than bearing an untold story inside you
- I’m open book. I just can’t be read unless someone shows interest in the story
- Be so busy improving yourself. That you have no time to criticize others
- Don’t forget a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated