1:Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?A: Rotisserie chicken.
2:Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
3:Respected,International Kanjus,Thanks for not sending any Sms,You will win “Pappu Kanjus Rahna Award”Na na sms mt karna,Kahin ye! Award hath se na nikal jaye..
4:A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, I guess we answered that question!
5:A squirrel is chillin` in a tree when a cow climbs up and sits next to him. "Whatcha doin` here?" asks the squirrel. "I`m here to eat some apples." "But this is a pine tree!" "I know. I brought my own apples.""
6:Propose karne ka sher:Kutta mar gaya rajaai mein,Main paagal ho gaya teri judaai mein.Haathi nadi mein beh nahin sakta,Apun tere bina reh nahin sakta…
7:Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl .
8:I thought it would be so easy to meet guys when I got out of college because it was very easy to meet guys in college. I mean, this was really all you had to do to meet some guy in college: `Oh my God, I am so wasted!`
9:Every Man Needs A Beautiful Wife Intelligent Wife Caring Wife Loving Wife Smart Wife Adjusting & Cooperative Wife, But Its Said Dat Islam Allows Only 4 Wife ;->
10:Ek Din CHINTU Ne Apne Dost Ko Bataya- “Meri Bivi PINKI Itni Dayalu Hai Ki Wah Bartan Dhone Wale Ko Pani Garm Karke Deti Hai. Dono Time Chay Aur Khana Bhi Deti Hai.”“Kamaal Hai! Aaj Ki Mahilaye Itni Udaar Ho Sakti Hai, Par Tumhare Yaha Bartan Kaun Dhotaa Hai?” Mitra Ne Puchha.“Mai.” CHINTU Ne Jawab Diya.
11:agar Ladki aapse kuch mange to use jarur pura karne ki koshish kare, isse Ladkiyan aapse itni impress hongi jiski aap imagine bhi nahi kar sakte.
12:A blind bunny and a blind snake bump into each other on the path."What kind of animal are you?" asks the snake."I really don`t know," says the bunny. "I`ve never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out?"So, the snake felt the bunny. "Well, you`re soft and cuddly," said the snake. "You have long silky ears and a little fluffy tail. You must be a bunny!""Awesome!" says the bunny. "Now what kind of animal are you?""I really don`t know," says the snake. "I`ve never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out?"So, the bunny feels the snake all over, and he replies, "You`re hard and cold, and you haven`t got any balls. You must be a lawyer!""
13:Q: What do you call a 900-pound woman with a yeast infection?A: A whopper with cheese.
14:Teacher:Bacho Past Present or Future Tense ki koi misal dain.Jaisay k mai khubsurat thi,Khubsurat hon or Khubsurat rahon gi Bacha: Ap ko wehm tha, whem hai or wehm rahy ga….
15:A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains.He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there. "Who the hell are you?" he yells.The naked guy replies, "I`m the moth inspector.""Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?"He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I`m too late!""
Attitude Whatsapp Status
Breakup Whatsapp Status
Non veg whatsapp status updates
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Difference between good girls and bad girls
Good girls open few buttons in hot atmosphere,
But bad girls open all buttons to make the atmosphere hot.
Never kiss a police woman,
She will say stop-hands up,
Never kiss a nurse she will say next please,
Kiss a teacher she will say repeat it 5 times
Bachcha: Mummy, thodi der baad aapko mazaa aane wala hai!
Mom:'' Wo kaise ?''
''Papa ne mujhe cigaret peete dekh liya,
Bole Ghar chal teri Maa ch**dta hoon.
A couple in train
Girl- my hand is paining,
Boy kisses the hand,
Girl- my neck is paining,
Boy kisses the neck,
An old man asks boy,
Son, do u also treat piles.
During sex Girl - promise me u won't break my heart,
Boy - nahi re pagli itna lamba thodi hai
Boy: do you know u would look more sexy with one kg less,
Girl- ok janu, I will loose it as soon as possible.
Boy: in my opinion all ur clothes weight exactly one kg.
“I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.”
“Expecting the world to be fair to you because you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.”
“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian”
“I did not become a vegetarian for my health, I did it for the health of the chickens.”
“Nothing will benefit human health and increase the chances for survival of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet.”
“I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian”
“It is significant to note that those who live on vegetarian food are less prone to diseases, whereas non-vegetarians are subject to more diseases. Why? Because animal food is incompatible with the needs of the human body.”
“I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.”
Cool Whatsapp Status
Best whatsapp status jokes
1:Q: What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common?A: Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.
2:Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 10 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 10 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away.At Maria`s funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they`re finally together."Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?"The priest replied, "I mean her legs.""
3:If at first you don’t succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!
4:Q: How are blondes and computers similar?A: You never appreciate them until they go down on you.
5:A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, I guess we answered that question!
6:What can a bird do that a man can`t?Eat with his pecker!
7:Yo` Mama is so fat, when she goes to a buffet, she pulls up a chair.
8:Nike Condoms: Just do it. Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker. Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple. California Lotto Condoms: Who‘s next? McDonalds Condom: One Billion Served. Energizer Condom: It keeps going and going and going... Bandai Condoms: Action Satisfaction.
9:Jab Jab gire Baadal, Teri Yaad aayi Jhoom ke barsa Saawan, Teri Yaad aayi Bheega main,lekin phir bhi teri Yaad aayi Kyon na aaye teri yaad?Tune jo chatri ab tak nahi lautai…
10:Phool hun Gulaab ka Chameli ka mat samjhna Aashiq hun aapka Apni Saheli ka mat samjhna
11:Mausi : Kaunse college se padhai ki hai..?Jay : Uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar de denge!!Jay : To main rishta pakka samjhuna mausi???Mausi : Beta, kan khol kar sun Le…Sagi mausi hoon basanti ki, koi.sauteli maa nahi….Bhale hi hamaari Basanti Call Center wale Chandu.se shaadi kar Le par Satyam ke employee se katai nahin karegi .
12:Dil k dard ko zuba par laate nahi,hum apni aankhon se ansu bahate nahi,Zakhm chahe kitne hi gahre kyo na ho,hum DETTOL k siva kuch laagate nahi.
13:Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack."How did that happen?" asks the first guy."Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn`t find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot.""Geez," says the first guy. "If you`d opened the fridge, we`d both be alive right now.""
14:Khirki khuli zulfein bikhri.Dilne kaha dildar nikla.Par haire meri footi kismat.Nahaya hua sardar nikla..
15:Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right.Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had worked making toys, and were threatening to go on strike. The reindeer had been drinking eggnog all afternoon. To make matters worse, a few of the other elves had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a tree.Santa was furious. "I can`t believe it! I`ve got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours, and all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are walking out, and I don`t even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid little angel out HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn`t even back yet! What am I going to do?"Just then, the little angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree. The angel said, "Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?"And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass...
Life Whatsapp Status
Love Whatsapp Status
Jokes for whatsapp status
1:Two bats are going for their midnight feed.After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?"The second bat replies, "Follow me. I`ll show you."After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?"The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!"Other bat says, "I didn`t.""
2:Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?A: In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.
3:This was a really, really big year for me. I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults` table. That`s `cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.
4:Q: What`s the slowest thing on 80 wheels?A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
5:Bhehar Ki Gali Main Paan Ki Dukan.Devdas Ne Dekhi Paro Ki Muskan.Devdas Ne Khilaya Paro Ko Paan.Khake Paan Paro Boli.Shukriya Bhai Jan..
6:Amazin' Lines Of Attitude- Yes, I Hav Made MISTAKES, Bcos My Life Did Not Come With An INSTRUCTION MANUAL-! :D
7:Q: Why do hippos have to have sex in water?A: Ever try to keep two tons of pussy wet?
8:Employee: I Want A Raise In My Salary, I Am In Demand And Have Two Companies Running After Me! Boss: Oh! I Am Really Impressed But Which Companies Are They? Employee Slowly: The Electric And The Telephone Company!!
9:While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"Later that afternoon, Johnny`s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That`s it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.Later that evening as Johnny`s mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?""
10:Why did the chicken run onto the football field?Because the umpire called a foul.
11:Macchar ne jo kata… dil main mere junoon tha.Khujli hui itni… dil be sukoon tha.Pakada to chod diya yeh soch kar ki….sale ki ragon main apna hi khoon tha!
12:My friends always joke that I run on batteries.
13:Ek Private Narsing Home Me Bharti Daulatamand CHINTU Ji Ne Khubsurat Nars PINKI Se Kaha- “Sister Mai Tumse Shadi Karna Chahtaa Hu.”“Sorry! Apke Parivar Me “Sister” Se Shadi Karne Ka Rivaz Hai?” PINKI Ne Jawab Diya
14:aaj door se hi koi salaam kar gaya,apni yadon ka gulaam kar gaya ,apni zingagi girvi rakhi thi jiske paas,aaj wohi hume nilaam kar gaye……..
15:In my past life I was a horse; now I`m just hung like one.