Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
Last seen 1980! :D
God is really creative, I mean.. just look at me! :)
I hate fake people. You know what I'm talking about. Mannequins. :D
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy saving mode.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.....
Never make eye contact while eating a banana.
Life is Short - Chat Fast!
If life gives you lemons, just add vodka.
How can i miss something i never had?
Hey there whatsapp is using me.
Girls use photoshop to look beautiful.. Boys use photoshop to show their creativity.
Fact: Phone on silent mode- 10 Missed call... Turns volume to loud- Nobody calls all day!!
Girls, if he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs. send him to KFC.
You can never buy Love....But still you have to pay for it ..
If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I'll tell you more.
Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status?
I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
My biggest concern in life is actually how my online friends can be informed of my death..!!
When I'm a Pedestrian I Hate cars.. When I'm Driving I Hate Pedestrians...
Whoever says "Good Morning" on Monday's deserves to get slapped :)
Mosquitos are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.
Funny Status for Whatsapp Facebook
Who needs television when there is so much drama on Facebook.
Everything funnier when your supposed to be quiet..
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes!!
Save water drink beer.
6 Peg Loading .. :D
Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software...it's called #Monday, please fix it
Always wear cute pajamas to bed you'll never know who you will meet in your dreams.
God is really creative , i mean ..just look at me :P
Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.
When I'm on my death bed, I want my final words to be "I left one million dollars in the...
I wake up when I cant hold my pee in any longer.
My father always told me, 'Find a job you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life.
Life is too short smile while you still have teeth...
My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
If College has taught us anything, it's texting without looking :)
I'm Jealous Of My Parents... I'll Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs!
Here my dad comes on whatsapp... From now on my status would be '***no status***' or just a smiley...
Don't kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not.
I Like to study.. Arithmetic - NO ... world history - NO .... chemistry - NO .... GIRLS - YES!!!
Friends are forever, until they get in a relationship!! :P
People call me mike .. You can call me tonight.. :p
In Modern Politics, Even The Leader Of The Free World Needs Help From The Sultan Of Facebookistan!!!
C.L.A.S.S- come late and start sleeping :)
Faces YOU Make ON The Toilet lol (o_o) (>_<) (0_0) (^_^)
Everything is 10x funnier when you are not supposed to laugh.
People who exercise live longer, but what's the point when those extra years are spent at gym.
Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.
It may look like I'm deep in thought, but 99% of the time I'm just thinking about what food to eat later.
Checking your symptoms on Google and accepting that fact that you're going to die.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.
We are WTF generation .... WhatsApp, Twitter and Facebook :D
Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a blessing. LOL
It's been 70+ years, Tom. You're never going to eat Jerry :)
I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone. :)
There's like 7 billion people in this world and no one wants to date me. I hate this world ... huh
Dear Lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won't make a bad person.
I don't usually sleep enough, but when I do, it's still not enough ;)
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. lolz
The only thing I gained so far in THIS YEAR is weight :)
I am not addicted to WHATS APP. I only use it when I have time ....... lunch time, break time, bed time, this time, that time, any time, all the time. :)
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU is "Salary is Credited" :)
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.
Flirtationship: More than a friendship and less than a relationship.
Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
In bed, it's 6AM you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45. At school it's 1:30, close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 1:31
I wonder what happens when doctor's wife eats an apple a day. :)
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep :)
Boys, if you don't look like calvin klein models, don't expect us to look like victoria secrets angels. (From All Bachelor Girls Association) :)
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
TODAY has been cencelled. Go back to BED :)
I've had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. :)
Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.
At least mosquito's are attracted to me.
Funny Status Quotes for Whatsapp Facebook
Laughing at your own texts before you send them because you are so damn funny.
I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. :D
Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour's wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. lol
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
Today's Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
I am sure I have a defective iPhone, I keep pressing the home button and I'm still at work.
A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
When a woman says WHAT? Its not because she didn't hear you. She's giving you a chance to change what you said.
My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get out of it in the morning.
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions :)
I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice :)
If time does not wait for you, don't worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
If school has taught us anything, it's texting without looking :)
I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them :)
All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
sometimes, not remembering may be the better.
X says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
X is color blind and trying to solve a rubies cube… This could take a while.
X is the girl next door…if you live next door to a whore house.
What is fat, ginger and pregnant? Nothing..
slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.
wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.
People say that love is in every corner……gosh! maybe I'm moving in circles..
Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
Funny status in Hindi
- और बोलो मोदी जी देश में नहीं रहते …. महीना भर कहीं नहीं गए … अब पड़ गयी ठण्ड दिल में 😛😂
- कुछ लोगों को अब ये टेंशन हो रही है कि मोदी जी कहीं ” सोने ” को “लोहा ” न घोषित कर दें। 😛😂
- Surgical strike at home— जो -जो पैसा पत्नियों ने छुपाया था अब सब बाहर निकलेगा 😅😅 — #500 #1000 banned
- पाकिस्तान साला कन्फ्यूज़ है …..खर्चा जंग पे करे…या नोट की नयी डाई बनवाने पे 😜😜
- उन भ्रष्ट नेताओं को सांत्वना जिन्हें अंदर बोरे जलाने के बाद बाहर आकर जबरिया मुस्कुरा कर प्रतिक्रिया देनी पड़ रही है😛😂
- ये तो सरासर चीटिंग है😇😇😇— काला धन बाहर से लाने का कहा था – ये अंदर का निकाल रहे है😜😜
- नरेंद्र मोदी जी ने hospital में 500 -100 के नोट इसलिए चलते रहने दिए क्योंकि उन्हें पता था की बहुतों को heart attack आएगा।
- अकेले मोदी ने पूरे देश पे एक साथ income tax की raid डाल दी
- हो करम खुदाया है 😅😅 हमें गरीब बनाया है 😅😅 — #500 #1000 banned
- मैं धारक को 5सौ व 1हज़ार रूपये अदा करने का वचन वापस लेता हूँ!– *मोदी* 💰😁😁💰😁😁 — #500 #1000 banned
- आज रात जिस घर की लाइट जलती हुइ दिखे समझलो नोटो की गिनती चल रही हैं💰😁😁 –#500 #1000 banned
- 500 का change कोई देता नहीं था। ….. 2000 का change कौन देगा अब 😅😅😅
- More funny status in hindi for whatsapp :
- सबसे ज्यादा problem तो Big Boss के contestants को होने वाली है , किसी को पता नहीं बाहर क्या चल रहा है और जब तक बाहर आएंगे सब खत्म 😅😅😅–#500 #1000 banned
- तू हमारी बराबरी क्या करेगा पाकिस्तान!! जेम्स बॉन्ड जैसे लोग तो हमारे यहाँ गुटखा बेचते है!
- मेरे पिता जी का तो कोई ऐसा दोस्त भी नही जो अमरीश पुरी की तरह ये कह दे..चल इस दोस्ती को रिश्तेदारी में बदल दे !😂😜😝
- यदि आपको लगे कि..आपकी इज्जत कम हो गई है..तो तुरंत किसी की लूट लें 😂😂😂
- मेरी हर गलती, ये सोच कर माफ़ कर देना दोस्तों.. कि तुम कोन से शरीफ़ हो ?? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
- मन में आता है के सब कुछ छोड़ कर सन्यासी हो जाऊ …फिर उस लड़की का ख़याल आ जाता है जो मुझे पति रूप में पाने के लिए 16 सोमवार का व्रत कर रही होगी😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
- खुद 😎के पास गर्लफ्रेंड 👩🏼नही होगी फिर भी दुसरो😁 को गर्लफ्रेंड 👩🏼पटाने ❣के नुस्खे देते है …. ऐसे हैं हमारे दोस्त 😁😁😁😁
- हम शरीफ बच्चे है जनाब !! जब तक माँ जागने के लिए न बोले मज़ाल है जो अपनी आँख भी खोल दे😂😂
Funny Whatsapp Status Updates:
║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95
Dear Santa, let me explain…
I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.
My wife said I’m too immature and if I don’t grow up it’s going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.
If guys had periods, they’d brag about the size of their tampons.
Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married. Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions.
٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶
_̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡
scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status.
̿̿̿ ̿’ ̿’̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ this is a stick-up… give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]!
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
Boys are like baby diapers when they get to be filled with shit they are thrown to be replaced.
I've yet to meet a woman who got pregnant from swallowing.
Cut here —————–✄———————-
Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.
I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
People who write diet books live off the fat of the land.
Dance like no one’s going to put it on YouTube.
Get More Status:Click here
Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the
middle of the room. And a buffet.
Best Friends Listen to what you don't say.
Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF… Best Facebook Friend Forever..
So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don’t know when.
You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take.
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.
Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh?
X thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
Alcohol does NOT make you fat…it makes you lean…against tables,chairs,walls, floors and ….Ugly people!!!
what has two ears and cant hear? —————–.> GRANDPA
I’m not a racer….But i can fly.
press the star below and watch it glow
▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ click star then up arrow to left to reveal status.
I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.
Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.
Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the weirdest hairdos.
X just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.
¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
oh I’m sorry! i didn’t realize you were giving me a dirty look…i just thought you were ugly like that all the time!!
wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
X says don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
Is anyone going to put anything funny on here?????
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
eat eat and eat….but don’t eat my brain.
I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school’s pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water….. Is that wrong?
ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that’s their own fault.
too cool for school.
trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
–^v–^v–^v–^v-_____^v–^v–^v– For a second there, I was bored to death.
definitely not watching what not to wear.
forcing my dog to learn how to Google.
kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it.
Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with “according to the prophecy”
X is Loading ████████████ 99%
Don't you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown.
X went to the book store earlier to buy a ‘Where’s Wally’ book. When I got there, I couldn’t find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.
Hi, my name is Damimeve. The ‘mime’ is silent.
I’ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming “CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!” when they have nightmares.
In an interview, “I can multitask housework with Facebook!”
never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
a day late and a dollar short.
Insert coin to view my status message.
If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison.
We have so much in common. You want to travel,I want you to go .
happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA Facebook update that I boinked her.
seen pictures of you naked on the internet.
remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.
> $20 in my bank acct. Drinks on you home.
Ultimate Desi Punjabi Facebook Status Updates
"When I say 'I MISS SCHOOL' it means my 'FRIENDS AND THE FUN' not the 'SCHOOL'."
"............. reminds us that two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left, and two Wrights made an airplane.'
"☆:*´¨`*twinkle twinkle little star...point me to the nearest bar ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶*´¨`*:"
"Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile."
"... noticed that things are so much funnier when you're not supposed to laugh and you know it's so wrong to!"
"3 facts about life: 1 You can't touch all your teeth with your tongue. 2 You're retarded cause you just tried it. 3 Now your smiling cause you're an idiot."
"(: p??? ?? o? ?u?uun? s poolq ?? ?o ll?" – if you can’t read this it may be due to your browser, it says "all of the blood is running to my head" upside down."
""is cle’a]ni.ng hi’s ke]yb29oa;rd"
""Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear"
"doesn’t suffer from insanity… he enjoys every minute of it"
"has advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"
"I must be wishing on someone else's star because it seems someone else is always getting what I wished for."
"Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?"
"We have so much in common. You want to travel, I want you to go."
"scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status."
"I have an oven with a 'stop time' button. It's probably meant to be 'stop timer' but I don't touch it, just in case."
"It recently became apparent to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on a keyboard. This is why I'll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase "Regards" ever again.
Now here you go with all the Hilarious and Funny status updates for Facebook, may you get more likes for very status you post, if you like this post than you can like it above so that all your friends can also check these statuses.
Best Hindi Whatsapp Status
Love Status in Hindi
So these are the collection of best Funny Statuses for facebook and whatsapp.Whatsapp Funny status for boys and girls are also available.Funny attitude status and funny smiling status in hindi is also Available.Hilarious Funny WhatsApp Status updates is given above.you can copy the funny status ideas And Top Funny status for Whatsapp and Funny Status Messages SMS etc and share it with your friends. I hope your friends will also like these Funny status for Whatsapp.
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